Reality Bites

I'm having some issues with my daily meals. Maybe some of you have some solutions for me. Here's the deal:

I don't get home until 6pm. The kids are hungry before that, and my nanny has been feeding them dinner. I didn't ask her to do this, but I have a hard time arguing with it. I can see making Dylan wait until 6:30 to eat, but it's probably hard to do this with Max. What do they eat? Sometimes they get leftovers, but usually it's convenience food. Tonight it was vegetarian corn dog and meatballs, both from Trader Joe's. This is really not anything close to what I would serve.

I was planning on making a pancetta, lentil and greens dish (recipe from Trader Joe's - I swear I'm not on their payroll). But, with both kids fed, I ended up just fending for myself. Michael had oysters at a bar with a friend from his old job.

I feel pathetic. In an ideal world, I'd have all of my meals planned out. I think I'd make them the night before or in the morning. Maybe my nanny could just heat them up for me, and then even if the kids were hungry before we got home, they'd get something homemade and delicious. Does anyone really do this? Is there a way for me to share my frustrations with my nanny without attacking her? I know that she's just trying to help, and I don't think she'd get my frustrations with the dinners she's been serving.

We tried the crockpot thing, and it was mildly successful. But... nothing was AMAZING. And the stuff I cook in the crockpot (with the exception of the carnitas), is kind of soggy and blah.

sigh...

Comments

[Brady]

Uggghhh. I don't know if this would work for you, and I don't even know if I'd be able to keep up with it, but how about spending Sunday prepping stuff for the week? You could either chop up meats and veggies, prepare casseroles or soups to freeze, etc.. and leave the nanny a list of the meals for the week. Even if this only happened three days a week, it might be better than what you are doing now. Fill us in if you figure out a solution. I guess I should say, it's great that your nanny is giving the kids the healthy foods from your home instead of taking them out somewhere for "real junk" like McDonalds...Hang in there!

[Caren]

I am one of those people who thinks that we should sit down and eat dinner together most, if not all nights, so this would bother me tremendously. Is there any way that you could buy healthy snack food and have the nanny offer them that if they are hungry? (Carrots, celery, broccoli, etc.) Maybe that could hold them over til you get home and get dinner on the table. I think the main problem is that they are used to eating earlier. If you can get them on a schedule to eat later, they probably won't be hungry until later. Maybe the snacks can help until you get to that point.

If you don't want to upset your nanny, just tell her that you think family meals are important and you would like to have dinner with your children at night because you don't see them as much anymore. Tell her you are grateful for her helping out as you make this transformation and ask her to serve the snacks instead of a meal.

Also, I probably wouldn't buy the other food for awhile, or until they get on a new dinner time schedule. Maybe she thinks that if you have it in the house it is okay for them to eat it. If you do still buy it, maybe you could label it. Like put "Spaghetti-Monday" on the meatballs, or "Michael's Lunch" on the corndogs. That would make her think twice about serving it to the kids.

Sorry for writing so much!

[Rach]

Yeah, this is hard. I get home just slightly earlier than you do, and unless I have already planned out and prepped dinner, the kids wind up getting something right out of the freezer (which is why I spend my lunch hours running to Trader Joe's to stock up on freezer food). I agree with Caren that family dinner is ideal, but sometimes it just isn't going to happen. Hence why the crockpot holds SUCH appeal, but I find it similarly disappointing (actually, the Moroccan chicken you linked to last week was one of the first things I really liked out of my crockpot).

I think you're lucky in having your babysitter at your house - if you prep a chicken/roast/whatever, could you ask her to throw it in the oven in time for it to be ready right when you get home? Even if Max has already started eating, maybe you and Dylan could join him (I entice my 1 year old to stay at the table with graham crackers).

I think it's fine to ask the babysitter not to feed them the convenience stuff, as long as there's something else to offer them. Is it wrong to want our kids to eat a homemade dinner? On the flip side, the working thing is HARD, so I've had to comprimise some of my ideals and feel less bad feeding them from TJ's a few nights a week.

[Tammy Coxen]

Do you guys have a big enough freezer to allow you to spend a few hours on the weekend making food for the week ahead?

This is why I absolutely love living in cohousing. I can't imagine having to get dinner on the table 7 nights a week.

[Brady]

I do have a chest freezer that I keep in the basement. I store sale foods as well as prepared left overs. Tammy, what is "cohousing"?
Brady

[JMH]

As a working mom, I think you have to be realistic about dinner time. I try to cook healthy, homemade dinners about 3 times per week. The other nights we eat leftovers or I heat up something that is quick. I try to look at the nutitional value over the course of the week and it usually balances out. As for eating together, either give the kids a healthy snack around 3:30-4:00 (veggies, fruit, etc) and then they can eat with you. Or, I like Caren's idea of feeding Max earlier and then giving him a snack to eat while the rest of you eat dinner. Go for amazing dinners on Sundays when you have time and you are home. Good luck!

[Elizabeth]

I am a stay at home mom now,but when I was working (insurance) I was never home and had the same problems. There are a few great crock pot recipes out there that I really like but crock pots are convenient,but really not at all too tasty. You could buy roasted chickens in the deli at the market and add fresh veggies and a sauce and serve over noodles.Or preassemble individual salads and just add cooked shrimp,checken etc .Not too time consuming. One crockpot recipe I like is 3-4 boneless chicken breasts with a jar of salsa.The variations are endless...corn,beans, cream cheese(trust me it sounds gross but it is SOOOOOo good )and just shred the chicken and you have instant fillings for tacos,enchiladas,salads etc.There are many dinners on my blog that are very easy if you prep the ingredients beforehand.Your nanny can actually put it together or pop food in the stove to be ready sooner after you get home.Hope these suggestions help just a little.

[Heather B.]

I swear on my life that my mother used to feed us burger king when she would get home at 6:30. Burger. King.

Thank the lord for the au pair, but now I'm a full fleged vegetarian, because my mother made me eat Big Macs and Whoppers and (bleh) Meatloaf - that was homemade, of course - as a child. So really, the TJ's corn dogs aren't that bad.

[Randi]

I was going to suggest a bulk cooking session on Sunday, but I'm sure thats the last thing you want to do on a day off.

[Grrrlfriend Jess]

I say: Give yourself a break. You're just back to work and you are giving your kids this great model of how important it is to pursue a career and build on a passion.

If you can let go of dinner (at least a few nights a week or by prepping on the weekends or filling the fridge with whatever puts your heart at ease), then maybe you can put your focus into breakfast or great weekend dinners as a family. I know a family who eats their big meal together at 6 am on weekdays, and while this sounds oogy to me, it works for them. Mama oversees the good cooking and daddy gets to be there and present with his family. It works out.

The only other peace-of-minder I can think of is to go ahead and fix a delicious dinner for yourself (and Michael) and leave the leftovers for the kids the next night.

Whatever you choose, be kind to yourself and don't hold the same expectations that you did when you were home more. I'm being all bossy here, but only because it is clear you are a good and conscious mama. And that's the main thing.

[Jo]

I'm so jealous of you having a nanny!! :)

Is the nanny doing the dishes too??

It is the hardest thing to work 6 days a week and then go home to cook a nice dinner, clean, do laundry, etc.

The biggest thing is what makes you comfortable and what the kids can handle. You should not feel bad that you can't put a "proper" meal on the table every single night. You might think of taking a couple of the ideas here and mixing them up. It will probably take you time to get used to and settle into a routine that you are comfortable with.

I wish I had a nanny who cooked for my family so that I didn't have to do it after having an hour drive home.

[ikate]

I second the comments to do a big prep on the weekends. Think "Dream Dinners" Danielle-style. I've found (of course, I'm not cooking for kids yet) that when I do a menu, prep stuff on Sunday and layout the meal the night before, I actually get a good meal out pretty fast. When I don't? Ehh- it's Mac&Cheese or a can of whatever is in the cupboard 'cuz I'm hungry!!! I bet if you do this, have snacks ready for the kids and the nanny is game to throw something in the oven for you that you'll come up with some good ideas.

Also, go with that morning is the "big meal" idea. We did that once in a while as kids and I have the best memories about that. Pancakes and fruit for breakfast when both mom & dad work? It's like you're a princess!

[Selfmademom]

Just reading the about the guilt you have makes me ashamed at what we eat for dinner in my house. I'm going to bookmark these suggestions and try to be a better mama!

[Becki]

I was going to suggest a Dream Dinners type of thing. Also, do you subscribe to Cooking Light? They have a Superfast segment every month with healthy things that can be thrown together really quickly. Maybe you can have a meal prepped and leave the recipe out for the nanny, if she's willing?

[kyooty]

sometimes you hve to go with hwat you have, time is something you don'5t have sooooooo speed is key. Start with the "easy" stuffs thennnn bump up the power. I know you have taco seasoning (i've been reading) I know you make your own BBQ sauce, just make it ahead, bake chicken pieces instead of a roasted chicken. You know white sauces, and you know noodles if you can find something similar to "precooked" lasagna, there's noodles and sauce and it's done faster.
time is what you're trying to make and if you shop for whole foods it will work.
Salads are veggies. whole grain pastas and breads and you know what your doing, making time is key. I'm bummed that you are spending so much time trying to get to and from workthough, ick!

[Tammy Coxen]

Brady asked "What is cohousing?"

Cohousing is a kind of intentional community that combines private home ownership with a lot of shared elements. So we have our own 1300 sq ft condominium, but we also share in a 4600 sq ft common house that has (among other things) a big kids room, laundry, social areas, and a large dining room and kitchen. Most cohousing communities have some number of shared meals weekly - we're at the upper edge of that, with 4-5 meals per week. Which is amazing, since it means most nights of the week I come home and dinner is prepared for me. Community members collaborate in running the community, with all adults expected to contribute a certain number of hours a month. Tasks can include things like cleaning the common house, shoveling snow or plowing, bookkeeping, cooking or cleaning.

Because we share meals with people and have regular meetings regarding community issues, we know our neighbors much better than in most neighborhoods. Our community is designed to be pedestrian-only, and the houses are fairly close together to facilitate lots of social interaction. The combination of knowing our neighbors and having a car-free space means that kids here do what few kids anywhere do these days - they just go out and play!

As far as we're concerned, it's a great way to live, and I have a hard time imagining doing anything else. But I definitely know people who'd run screaming if they tried it, so it's not for everyone. You can read more about cohousing here: http://www.cohousing.org/default.aspx

I'm always happy to talk about cohousing, so feel free to email me with questions!

[Mike Driehorst]

While thanking your nanny for going above and beyond and looking out for the welfare of your kids, what about giving your nanny some guidelines as to what to feed Max and Dylan?

Just make sure there's something you approve of in the refrigerator. Even if it's lunch-ish (like stuff for a sandwich) or breakfast-ish (cereal?), it's something you'd approve of. (As stated above, giving the nanny guidelines.) Then, they can have a healthy "snack" -- part of what you and Michael have for a real dinner.

(In a way, that's kind of what we do for our mothers who watch our kids during the day.)

Just free advice from SE Michigan.
Take care,
Mike

[Jenn C.]

I realize this is late to the thread, but I have a suggestion to add - if you're les concerned about eating together, and more about what your kids are eating in their solo meals, perhaps you could make an effort to cook extra when you make dinner for you and your husband, then you kids can have the leftovers the folowing day? That's often what I do for my daughter's lunches, since she's lucky enough to have a microwave at school.

[pamela]

Be gentle with thyself! And thy nanny too. :)

Here's what I've been doing since going back to work: I meal plan on a lunch break, shop after work, and then cook 3-4 meals on Saturday morning. I am not a gourmet and only choose recipes that are done in 20-30 minutes, mostly weight watchers and cooking light superfast. Here's a link:
http://www.cookinglight.com/cooking/mp/quickandeasy/article/0,13803,491712,00.html