My mom and I have gotten closer to each other over the years. Yes, we have our issues. It is hard for me to spend extended periods of time with her without getting a little crabby. She is just very different from me, and she is pretty damn good at pushing my buttons.
But, as I said, we have gotten closer. We talk on the phone a few times a week, and I feel a little bit better about confiding in her. We were on the phone yesterday and she told me something that was so telling of our relationship. First, the backstory:
When Michael and I separated back in November, I talked to my mom very frequently. She was (understandibly) concerned about me, and the kids, and how we'd get by. One of the things that really worried her was how we'd manage by ourselves in our ridiculously large monster of a house. And so, when I told her that Michael was going to be leasing an apartment, she told me to make sure that he only got a month to month lease. That way, if we didn't sell the house (what? not sell our house? crazy talk!), he could move back in, and the kids and I could jetset off to Ann Arbor. Well, I knew that plan would never work. First, Michael works in Detroit. He was looking to rent an apartment close to Detroit. Why would he come back to Toledo? I'm the one with a job in Toledo. Second, the apartments with month-to-month leases were skanky. Michael is a MAJOR metrosexual. Skanky wouldn't work for him.
But my mom wouldn't let up. EVERY SINGLE TIME I spoke to her, she told me to make sure that his lease was month-to-month, or six months at the most. I did what any sane daughter would do. I lied. I said, "Yep, he got an apartment. Six month lease. No problem." (his lease was 13 months)
Fast forward to earlier this week. I tell my mom that Michael is finding out what the policy is for subletting his apartment. Oops. "I thought he had a six month lease." "Um, no. I lied. You were harrassing me."
Just before my mom and I had this conversation, my mom was watching the Today Show (which is a personality flaw, in my opinion. I am a Good Morning America person. But anyway...) and in honor of Mother's Day, they were talking about mother/daughter relationships. So, my mom started reflecting upon our relationship, patting herself on the back for how good and honest it has become. And then I told her I lied.
I have to say that my mom handled this wonderfully. She told me that she understood why I lied, and that she was probably too overbearing back in November. I guess my separation from Michael brought back a whole bunch of nasty memories of her divorce from my father. And back when she kicked him out of the house, he signed a one-year lease, giving her the passive aggressive message that the marriage was over. The message that there was no hope of a reconciliation. So, it wasn't just the house. It was a motherly concern for the state of my family and my marriage. Her behavior was overbearing and almost intolerable, but it came from a good place.
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